The Discerning Brute: fashion, food & etiquette for the ethically handsome man

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The savvy ladies over at Spork Foods took a break from making Weapons of Mass Deliciousness to write a cookbook, and they wanted to share it with us dudes. They even made us our very own special video. Don’t be frightened by their sexy, glamorous cover shot, these gals know how to whip-up some serious dude-food. Whether you get it for yourself or a lucky lady or gentleman in your life, the agreement should be that these tangy, spicy, hearty wings of seitan need to fly into your mouth, pronto. Here is the official recipe from their cookbook:

Spicy Seitan Buffalo Wings

Sometimes people think that vegan food isn’t “man food,” but this dish is spicy and crunchy, and you can eat it with your hands — so it’s definitely man-approved. These make a super fun party snack—and if you’re cooking for a crowd that can take the heat, toss in some habañero peppers or scotch bonnets and make ’em breathe fire! Serves 6-8

Seitan Ingredients
1⁄2 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1⁄2 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
1⁄2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1⁄2 teaspoon sea salt
1⁄2 teaspoon finely ground
black pepper
1⁄2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon evaporated cane sugar
3 cups “chicken-style” seitan,
2 tablespoons neutral tasting high-heat oil

Buffalo Wing Sauce Ingredients
2 heaping tablespoons non-dairy butter
1 large red bell pepper, diced
2 ripe red jalapeño peppers, diced
1⁄2 brown onion, finely chopped
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 teaspoon paprika 1 teaspoon sea salt
1⁄2 teaspoon celery seed
1⁄2 teaspoon parsley flakes
Dash freshly grated nutmeg
1⁄4 cup soymilk creamer
1⁄4 cup unfiltered apple cider vinegar
1⁄2 cup water

Directions

1. 1. Preheat oven to 400°F.
2. 2. In a large bowl, combine flours, cayenne, sea salt, black pepper, garlic powder and sugar, and whisk. Add seitan pieces and coat in flour mixture. Reserve 1 tablespoon flour mixture for sauce.
3. 3. Place coated seitan pieces on a baking sheet and drizzle with oil. Bake for about 25 minutes, or until coating is crisp, turning them over once, halfway through baking.
4. 4. For the sauce: While seitan is baking, in a large (6-quart) pot add butter, peppers, onion, garlic, paprika, sea salt, celery seed, parsley flakes and nutmeg. Add reserved tablespoon coating flour mixture. Cook on high heat for about 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.
5. 5. Add soymilk creamer, vinegar and water and cook about 5 minutes, or until peppers are soft. Transfer to a blender and blend sauce until smooth. Remove center of your blender lid to allow heat to escape. Cover blender opening with a cloth towel. Set sauce aside.
6. 6. To serve, coat warm seitan in sauce. Serve warm.

Note: If you do not have a blender, use a food processor to make this sauce.

The Sporkie Scoop

FOR YOUR SMARTS Capsaicin is the component in chilies that makes them spicy and hot hot HOT. In 1912, a pharmacist named Wilbur Scoville came up with a way of measuring the units of heat in chilies: the Scoville scale. So what is the hottest pepper on the scale? The Naga Viper, measuring a whopping 1,359,000 units! That’s about 500 times hotter than a jalapeño!

FOR YOUR PARTS Celery seeds aren’t just delish, they are also an amazing diuretic and can help treat health issues like gout. They assist your body with eliminating uric acid buildup.